Heh. Was feeling wierd and I somehow felt like reading through all my past year posts. I read and found many interestings stuffs that had happened in the past. Anyway i saw one incomplete post and was saved as draft on August 20th, 2005. So i decided to post it now. Haha Here it goes. (in italic)
I used to Dream just only of you.
There is someone else entering my Dream.
I wonder why?
What does this got to mean?
I do not know the answer now.
When can I find the answer?
I am hoping to find out soon.
You are of no significance
in my life anymore...
nobody ever was...
Where's the purpose of all this?
I am blinded from it.
I am not who I seem to be.
I am the opposite.
One that is weak.
One that is negative in all perspectives.
Forgive me for being weak.
Forgive me for not being able to do anything
Forgive me for running away from life
But I know,
I'm not worthy for your forgiveness
Actually I cant remember what i really meant during that time. But i think i getting a little juice from it... not really sure though. The post just seems so wierd.. There is like no link? lol. I think I was just lost and emo-ing as always. Under depression...
i lost you,,
..............Is there an inner self?
i lost you,,
As always, I can never understand a person fully. But let me just state some stuffs out. Life is tough, nobody ever said it was easy. Thats why we have to live through it. Regardless of whatever obstacles, we cant stop, we have to move on and be happy.
Fate. If you really still believe in fate, I think you should really reconsider. To me, fate is just an excuse to run away from our problems. Trust me, I used to believe all this fate or fated stuffs. But now, as I view on it, fate is something really stops you from going any furthur. Its like you believe that 'that's your limit', but in actual fact, you can actually pursue furthur. Generally, it does not strengthen a person, but weaken a person.
I may not understand how you feel or what pain you experience. But please, like what Aya-san said "Being alive is such a wonderful thing", cherish you life and live it as happy as you can. Not everyone are able to do that..
i lost you,,
Whoa, today seems to be like bad mood day for every tutors. Our physics tutor blew up like some volcano eruption, our maths tutor as always nagging away and our gp tutor nearly blew up.
Our physics tutor, Mr Tan was really serious. Just because of us being constantly late for his tutorial and the failure to get our lecture notes when lecture have already been started 3 periods in. The failure of getting lecture notes sparks off the fire.. But yea well, can't really blame the physics representative like what he said. He actually also threaten us that if he do not see us putting in effort into our studies, he will not return to tutorial and teach us. Good thing, he still came back after Sean and Derek went to see him.
But sigh.. What really bother me is, I think some people in my class are just plain jokers and seldom take things serious. After he left the lab, some people can still laugh and ask what happen to him. And during GP too, cant those people see mr Ng face changing? Its like you can tell from his face he is getting impatient with us. I am like... damn it whats wrong with them..cant they get any serious? Well at least the history didnt repeat itself, for physics that is. Those who same class as me during sec 1 or 2 should know. Haha. And whoa, Sandy actually volunteered to be the new Physics rep? Haha so unexpected. Well in any case, Gambantte Sandy!
i lost you,,
Woo. Just got back from squash.. Heh, I seriously suck at it, everyone seems to somehow get the basic right except for me. AND I lost to roshan and CR in a so called 'match'.. hahaz. damn, Im weak..
Actually, i still prefer dragonboat training. Seems more better in body building. But oh well, at least playing squash is a like a sport with skills needed, unlike dragonboat, which only like require brute force? lol
Haiz... corporate video was rather.. fun and displeasing. During the filming at the field, I just realised how bitchy are some of the J1 art stream students. Their tone, attitude, standing posture, words from their mouth, all so darn bitchy. Expected from the 'minas'. How i wish they just disappear at that time.
Bah. I just realised my computer did not reformat yet. I thought my bro friend already reformatted for me.. But i think some stuffs came up or something. O.o" Sigh..
AH! I saw my primary 1 and 2 best or maybe only friend in tpjc! Heh. His face didnt change alot, still have the same look. But whoa, he is like in wushu which i am utterly surprised. Because he dont look like the 1 that join martial arts and he always stick with girls.. i think.. lol. Wonder if he stills remember me xD.
Ah, sad.. The lollipop making have already no more vacancy.. Zzz I missed the ice cream making and now i missed this lollipop making. Wa lao.. Sigh...
If I'm weak, I will strive to grow stronger
"Power is neither bestowed, nor acquired, but cultivated"
i lost you,,
Its GOOD FRIDAY! =) Hallelujah!~
Sigh. Im so bored now... Lazy do my work... All my family are out... DoTa bunch of leavers... So I decided to continue watch Naruto.. (which im so slow at.. when it already released Naruto Shipudden and im still watching the 1st season. lol). well watched until epi 148 only =P..
Haha, my bro friend came and stayed over, last night. Because he is some computer geek too, he was interested in my 'dead' computer. Lol. So I told him about my computer's random crashing and restarting. Stupid thing is that my comp didnt crash at all when he turn on my computer last night. In the end, tired of waiting for my computer to crash, he reformatted the computer for me. LOLx. At least the reformatting is succesful this time. The previous time my bro tried to reformat, my comp crash halfway. Resulting in 4 partitioned hard disk O.o" Wonder if my computer is still ok..
Sigh, later still have tuition.. ><" Cant find any question to ask johnny later. I think im losing my motivation to be hardworking. =p Haha.
Oh yea, 1 dota trick i heard from.. here it goes
1)Priestess of the Moon leap into the forest, making it impossible to walk out
2)Vengeful Spirit use Nether Swap on POTM.
3)Camp for enemy and swap them, trapping them in the forest.
4)They can never get out depending on the heroes.
Kinda cool? But i think there is a command for debugging stuck or something like that? Or there isn't? Haha. But well at least it will waste lots of time for the hero to be stuck xD.
OK... I shall go do my work liao...
Guide me by your Light
Save me from falling.
But I know,
My repeated sins are not
worthy to be
i lost you,,
Bwahahaha. Sorry for not updating or posting anything so long. Just that its really either no time or im just too lazy. Haha.
Ok some side questions... These are what one of my friend asked me... or to be more accurate, what her Hong Kong 'idol' actually blogged and asked...
1) "Why do we have to wear black during funerals?"
2) "Why do the atmosphere during funerals have to be so solemn?"
3) "Why aren't we happy that the person actually left for a better place, Heaven?"
What are your answers? Hahaz. However, i don't think question 1 applies in Singapore. So far, from all the funerals I attended, I have never seen people wearing black during funerals. I thought we are even forbidden to wear black? O.o
Well anyway, college life seems to be getting more and more hectic now. The most official hated subjects are GP, PW and MT! But I still like to attend MT though, the teacher is very nice to talk to, and its her birthday today! Whahaha. GP and PW is under the same teacher... which is also our civics tutor( just like form teacher in schools). Kind of boring teacher but at least he is friendly most of the time.
Sigh about the friends in class.... I dont know why, but I feel more bonded with the new students who join our class, meaning the additional group of people into our PAE group. Kind of ironic.. Suppose to be more closer to the PAE friends, but im more closer to the new addition to the class...
Ok dont want to keep a long post anyway. Oh yea now my personal question. Haha.
1) "What do you think or how will you feel, if you always have this exactly same dream or maybe nightmare of: You standing at a funeral of that same person? And, It's not a person who already passed away, he/she is still alive now and is very very close to you."
I dont know, because I been having this dreams and its not only a few times. It kind of sucks...
i lost you,,